40대 임신과 기쁨

저는 40대 중반의 초보 엄마입니다. 저는 오늘 38주 4일에 분만을 위해 병원에 입원했습니다. 마미톡을 통해 웃고 울고 많은 도움을 받았기에 다른 엄마들에게 조금이나마 희망이 될까 싶어 이렇게 임신 후기를 쓰게 되었습니다.
저는 30대 초반에 쌍둥이를 임신했지만 양수가 조기에 파열되어 중도에 쌍둥이를 잃어야 했습니다. 그때의 충격과 고통은 지금까지도 생생하게 느껴집니다. 몸은 회복되었지만 약 10년 동안 임신에 대해 생각하지 않았어요. 재정적으로 어려움을 겪고 있었고 엄마가 될 자신감도 없었어요.
그 10년 동안 일 중독자로 일하던 직장을 그만두고 임신 전 몸무게에서 68킬로그램이 늘었습니다. 자기 비하와 자기 혐오가 너무 심해서 포기하고 말았어요.

그러다 40대가 되면 경제적으로 미래 걱정 없이 살 수 있을 거라 생각했는데, 수십억이 있어도 행복하지 않고 마음은 공허하더라고요. 그래서 더 이상 미룰 수 없는 나이에 아기를 갖기로 결심하고 식이요법과 운동으로 20킬로그램을 감량하고 굳은 마음으로 난임병원을 찾았습니다.
아기로 인해 불행해지거나 인생이 망가지지 않도록 최선을 다할 준비가되어 있다고 결심했습니다. 제 난소 나이는 이미 46 세입니다.
저는 낙담하지 않았고 그렇게 2 년 반 동안의 불임 클리닉 생활이 시작되었습니다.
하루에 주사를 4번 맞더라도 난자가 많으면 평균 4개, 적으면 2개가 나와서 배아를 착상할 수 있는 배아는 1~2개에 불과했습니다. 동결은 꿈도 꾸지 못했고, 한번은 수정이 되지 않아 배아를 다 이식하지 못해 결국 1개만 동결하고 이식을 하지 못한 적도 있었고, 한번은 운 좋게 3번의 이식 끝에 임신을 했지만 자궁 각도에 아기집만 나타나고 아기가 없어 소파수술까지 하게 된 적도 있었어요.
주사를 무서워하는 남편이 하복부에 멍이 들 때까지 한 번의 시술에만 50~60개의 주사를 맞고, 엉덩이에 돌주사를 맞아 시술 직후 누워서 아파도, 50만원짜리 면역글로불린 링겔(맞는데 5시간 걸림)과 혈액순환 주사를 추가로 맞아도 저는 좌절하지 않았습니다. 열심히 운동하고, 식단 조절하고, 명상하고, 마음 다스리고, 쉬는 한 달 동안 맛있는 것도 먹고 커피도 마시고, 시술 한 달 동안 "그래, 다시 해보자"라고 말하며 최선을 다했죠. 원래 7차까지는 정부 지원이었지만 그때까지 효과가 없어서 성과 없이 끝날지도 모른다는 생각에 조금 지쳐있었거든요. 그때 의사 선생님과 간호사 선생님이 저를 더 걱정해주시고 사명감을 가지고 시술을 해주셨고, 저도 의사 선생님을 위로해드리기도 했어요. (퇴원할 때 의사선생님이 항상 긍정적으로 웃어주고 더 위로해준 환자라며 일어서서 악수하고 90도 인사를 하셨다고 합니다.)


그러다 해가 바뀌고 갑자기 정부 지원이 9회로 늘어났고, 지원을 받아 9회를 진행했습니다. 이때쯤에는 나이도 많고 최선을 다했으니 후회 없이 끝내야겠다는 생각을 하고 있었습니다.
9회차 시험날이 되어서 큰 기대 없이 시험을 봤는데 수치가 너무 좋게 나왔습니다. 하지만 제 경험상 축하할 수도 없어서 일주일을 차분히 보내며 태동을 확인했고, 일주일 후 심장 박동이 들렸고, 일주일 후 노른자와 아기를 확인했습니다. 그래서 9 번째 시험관 아기 2 회 테스트 후 임산부가되었고, 저는 아주 오래된 임산부가되었습니다.
딸 블루베리(태명)를 위해 노래를 지어주고, 태명이가 잘할 때는 노래를 불러주며 불안과 행복이 뒤섞인 임신 기간을 보냈어요.
임신 25주 때 자궁경부가 2.5cm가 되어서 2개월 동안 진통이 있었어요. 코로나도 한 번 걸렸어요. 임당과 함께 인슐린도 하루에 한 번씩 맞았는데 자궁경부가 짧아지지도 않고 잘 견뎌냈고, 오랫동안 식이조절(밀가루, 빵, 면 안 먹기)을 해왔기 때문에 임당과 함께해도 스트레스 없이 잘 먹었고, 체외주사도 해봐서 인슐린에 바로 적응했죠.
임신 전에는 원래 하루 2끼를 먹었는데 임신 후 하루 3끼에 간식 3끼를 챙겨먹고 건강식을 먹으니 오늘 아침까지 6kg만 쪄서 오늘 아침까지 직접 밥을 해먹고 집안일을 거의 다 할 수 있을 정도로 몸이 가벼웠고 관절통도 없이 컨디션도 좋았어요. 아기도 본수대로 잘 자라고 진통도 잘되어서 매일매일 감사하고 행복했습니다. 마지막 달에는 배가 불러서 잠을 자기가 조금 힘들었는데 오늘이 마지막 진통이라니 임신이 끝났다는 게 조금 아쉽네요.
원래 골격이 작고 체력도 약하고 불안이 심한 사람이었는데 교수님의 권유로 입원해서 두려움 없이 분만을 하게 되었습니다. 나는 이나이에게 돈을 지불하면 엄마가 될 것입니다. 마미톡, 모든 것이 걱정되고 불안한 엄마들, 유산으로 힘들어하는 엄마들도 꼭 잘 할 수 있습니다. 저도 하고 있습니다. 답답한 날들이 있더라도 제 글을 기억하시면서 조금이나마 희망을 가지셨으면 좋겠고, 긴 글 읽어주셔서 감사합니다.
마지막으로 사랑하는 남편~.
수험생 시절부터 지금까지 항상 곁에 있어주고 챙겨줘서 고마워요. 14년 동안 사랑해줘서 고마워요. 함께 살면서 당신이 정말 좋은 사람이라는 걸 깨달았고, 당신의 유전자를 이 세상에 남기고 싶다는 생각이 들었어요. 좋은 아빠가 될게요^^.


Then the year changed, and suddenly the government support increased to 9 sessions, and I went through 9 sessions with support. By this time, I was thinking about ending it without regret because I was too old and I had done my best.
The day of the 9th test came, and I took the test without much expectation, and the numbers came out too good. However, from my experience, I couldn't even celebrate, so I spent a week calmly and checked the nursery, and a week later I heard the heartbeat, and a week later I checked the yolk and the baby. So I became a pregnant woman after the 9th test with 2 IVF, and I became a very old pregnant woman.
I spent my pregnancy with a mixture of anxiety and happiness, making up songs for my daughter Blueberry (Tae-myung) and singing to her when she was doing well.
At 25 weeks, my cervix was 2.5cm, so I was in labor for 2 months. I had corona once. I also took insulin once a day with Imdang, but my cervix didn't get shorter and I endured it well, and since I had been controlling my diet for a long time (no flour, bread, or noodles), I ate well without stress even with Imdang, and I adapted to insulin right away because I tried in vitro injections.
Before pregnancy, I originally ate two meals a day, but after pregnancy, I ate 3 meals a day and 3 snacks and ate healthy food, and I only gained 6 kg until today, so I cooked my own meals until this morning, and my body was light enough to do almost all the housework, and my physical condition was good without any joint pain. I was grateful and happy every day because my baby grew well according to the main number and the labor was good. In the last month, it was a little difficult to sleep because of the belly, but today is the last labor and I am a little disappointed that the pregnancy is over.
I was originally a skeleton and low physical strength, and I was a person with severe anxiety, but I was hospitalized to deliver myself with the recommendation of the professor without fear. I will become a mother when I pay Inai. Mamitok, mothers who are worried and anxious about everything, and mothers who are suffering from miscarriage can definitely do well. I am also doing it. Even if there are frustrating days, I hope you have a little hope while remembering my article, and thank you for reading the long text.
Last but not least, my dear husband~.
Thank you for always being with me and taking care of me since I was an examiner. Thank you for loving me for 14 years. During our life together, I realized that you are such a good human being that I really wanted to leave your genes in this world. You will be a good dad^^.


Oh, this is my kind of day
I am a first-time mom in my mid-40s. I'm in the hospital today for delivery at 38 weeks and 4 days. I've laughed, cried, and gotten so much help from Mamitalk that I'm writing about my pregnancy now in case it gives other moms a little hope.
I was pregnant with twins in my early 30s and had to lose them mid-term due to a premature rupture of my amniotic fluid. I still feel the shock and pain of that experience to this day. My body recovered, but I didn't think about getting pregnant for about 10 years. I was struggling financially and didn't have the confidence to be a mom.
During those 10 years, I quit my job as a workaholic and gained 68 kilograms from my pre-pregnancy weight. I was so self-deprecating and self-hating that I gave up.

Then, when I was in my 40s, I thought that I could live without worrying about the future financially, but even if I had billions, I would not be happy and my heart would be empty. So, I decided to have a baby at an age when I could not put it off any longer, and I lost 20 kilograms through diet and exercise, and went to a fertility hospital with a firm heart.
I decided that I was ready to make the best of it and not be unhappy or have my life ruined because of it. My ovarian age is already 46 years old.
I didn't get discouraged, and that's how my two and a half years of fertility clinic life began.
Even if I took 4 injections a day, if I had a lot of eggs, 4 on average 2 came out, so only 1-2 embryos could be implanted. I couldn't even dream of freezing, and once I couldn't implant all the embryos because they couldn't be fertilized, so I ended up freezing only 1 embryo and ended up without implantation, and once I was lucky to get pregnant after 3 implantations, but only a baby house appeared in the angle of the uterus, and I didn't have a baby, so I ended up with couch surgery.
Even if my husband was afraid of injections and received 50~60 injections for one procedure alone until his lower abdomen was bruised, even if it hurt to lie down immediately after the procedure with a stone injection in the buttocks, even if I received an additional 500,000 won immunoglobulin ringel (it took 5 hours to fit) and blood circulation injections, I did not get frustrated. I exercised hard, controlled my diet, meditated, controlled my mind, ate some delicious food and drank coffee during the resting month, and did my best by saying, "Well, let's try again" during the procedure month. Originally, it was government support until the 7th time, but since it didn't work by then, I was a little tired because I thought it might end without any results. At that time, the doctor and nurse were more concerned about me and performed the procedure with a sense of mission, and I even comforted the doctor. (When I graduated from the hospital, the doctor said that he was a patient who always smiled positively and comforted him more, so he stood up and shook hands and greeted 90 degrees)
Then the year turned and my procedure schedule suddenly increased to 9 sessions, and I went through 9 sessions with government support. By this time, I was thinking that I was getting too old and I had done my best, so why not finish it?
The day of the 9th test came, and I took the test without much expectation, and the numbers came out too good. However, from my experience, I couldn't even celebrate, so I spent a week calmly and checked the nursery, and a week later I heard the heartbeat, and a week later I checked the yolk and the baby. So I became a pregnant woman after the 9th test with 2 IVF, and I became a very old pregnant woman.
I spent my pregnancy with a mixture of anxiety and happiness, making up songs for my daughter Blueberry (Tae-myung) and singing to her when she was doing well.
At 25 weeks, my cervix was 2.5cm, so I was in labor for 2 months. I had corona once. I also took insulin once a day with Imdang, but my cervix didn't get shorter and I endured it well, and since I had been controlling my diet for a long time (no flour, bread, or noodles), I ate well without stress even with Imdang, and I adapted to insulin right away because I tried in vitro injections.
Before pregnancy, I originally ate two meals a day, but after pregnancy, I ate 3 meals a day and 3 snacks and ate healthy food, and I only gained 6 kg until today, so I cooked my own meals until this morning, and my body was light enough to do almost all the housework, and my physical condition was good without any joint pain. I was grateful and happy every day because my baby grew well according to the main number and the labor was good. In the last month, it was a little difficult to sleep because of the belly, but today is the last labor and I am a little disappointed that the pregnancy is over.
I was originally a skeleton and low physical strength, and I was a person with severe anxiety, but I was hospitalized to deliver myself with the recommendation of the professor without fear. I will become a mother when I pay Inai. Mamitok, mothers who are worried and anxious about everything, and mothers who are suffering from miscarriage can definitely do well. I am also doing it. Even if there are frustrating days, I hope you have a little hope while remembering my article, and thank you for reading the long text.
Last but not least, my dear husband~.
Thank you for always being with me and taking care of me since I was an examiner. Thank you for loving me for 14 years. You are such a good human being that I wanted to pass on your genes to the world. You will be a great dad. I hope you will love me and Blueberry a lot.

Addendum: I'm still thankful for the comments every day.
Our Blueberry was born healthy after a successful induction on 5/8.
6/6day Today is the 30th day of life as Kim Yoon Slaw.
Parenting is hard, but I'm making every day count.
Thank you all for your encouragement and congratulations.