자식의 필요성. 노후에 필요한 보장.

엄마도 엄마이기 전에 한 사람인 것은 이해할 수 있지만, 자녀도 가족이기 전에 한 사람이기 때문에 자녀가 엄마의 모든 감정을 수용하기는 어렵습니다.

단순히 가족이라는 이유로 자녀에게 감정을 표출하면 갈등이 깊어지고 경우에 따라서는 자녀가 부모에게 등을 돌릴 수도 있습니다.

등을 돌리는 것은 친구나 동료 사이에서도 흔히 일어나는 일이지만, 가족 간에 이런 일이 발생하면 그 고통은 감당하기 어려울 수 있습니다. 자녀를 감정적 쓰레기통처럼 계속 대하면 50세 이후 노년기에 비참하고 괴로운 삶을 살 위험이 있습니다.

다음은 가족 관계를 파괴할 수 있는 최악의 부모 행동 몇 가지입니다.

다른 사람의 자녀를 망치는 행위

'돈의 본질'이라는 책에는 "다른 사람의 자녀를 나쁘게 대하지 않을 때 내 자녀를 나쁘게 대하지 않는다"는 말이 있습니다. 내 아들이 귀하다면 며느리도 귀하고, 내 딸이 금덩어리라면 사위도 금덩어리입니다.

마음에 들지 않는 며느리나 사위가 있으면 어떤 사람들은 자식을 낭비하고 있다고 말하며 자신의 감정과 생각에 따라 아무 말이나 할 것입니다.

예를 들어, "내 딸은 아깝다, 더 좋은 사람한테 줄 걸 그랬어", "결혼하면 그거밖에 못 해", "넌 너무 달라", "나랑 결혼해줘서 고마워할 필요도 없어" 등입니다.

상대방은 어떻게 할 수 없다고 생각하기 때문에 자신보다 약한 사람, 어린 사람, 자녀에게 상처를 줄 수 있다는 생각 없이 아무렇지 않게 말을 합니다.

멋있게 들릴지 모르지만 현명하지 못한 말과 행동으로 자녀의 행복에 시한폭탄을 설치하는 것입니다.

혀 때문에 망가진 사람들이 이렇게 많습니다. 말로 인한 분노는 결국 모든 것을 무너뜨리고, 가정에 불화가 생기거나 상대방이 등을 돌리는 등 비참한 결과를 초래합니다.


돈으로 보상하기

일부 부모는 특히 자녀가 아직 경제적으로 독립하지 못했거나 경제적으로 어려운 상황에 처한 경우 돈을 사용하여 자녀에게 군림합니다.

일부 부모는 이를 고압적이거나 간섭할 기회로 삼고, 자녀는 재정적 지원이 끊길까 봐 두려움에 떨며 살아갑니다.

그들은 도움을 받았으니 팔을 걷어붙이고 일을 처리할 수 있어야 한다고 생각합니다.

하지만 부모님의 도움을 받을 자격이 있다고 생각하면 감사하는 마음을 의심하고 빨리 없애야 할 짐으로 여깁니다. 그들은 불합리하고 무가치하다고 느낍니다.

재정적으로 독립하면 부모를 떠나 뒤도 돌아보지 않습니다. 도움에 감사하는 대신 배신감을 느끼고 등을 돌리게 됩니다.

부모가 자녀를 도와준 다음 돈을 벌기 위해, 자녀를 자신의 뜻대로 굴복시키기 위해, 원하는 것을 얻기 위해 자녀를 이용하려고 하면 자녀는 고맙다는 말을 하지 못합니다.



While it's understandable that you're a person before you're a mom, your child is a person before they're a family member, so it's hard for them to be receptive to all of your feelings.

Taking out your feelings on your child simply because they're family can lead to a deepening of the conflict, and in some cases, to them turning their back on you.

Turning your back happens to friends and coworkers, but when it happens between family members, the pain can be overwhelming. If you continue to act like your child is an emotional trash can, you run the risk of being miserable and bitter in your later years after age 50.

Here are some of the worst parental behaviors that can destroy family relationships.

Spoiling other people's children

The book The Nature of Money says, "When you don't treat other people's children badly, you don't treat your own children badly." If my son is valuable, then my daughter-in-law is valuable, and if my daughter is worth her weight in gold, then my son-in-law is worth his weight in gold.

If you have a daughter-in-law or son-in-law that you don't like, some people will tell you that you're wasting your children, and they'll say whatever they feel and whatever they have on their mind.

For example, "My daughter is a waste, I should have given her to someone better," "That's all you do when you get married," "You're too different," "You shouldn't even feel grateful for marrying me," etc.

No matter what, the other person feels like they can't do anything about it, so they say it casually without thinking about how it might hurt someone weaker than them, someone younger than them, or their children.

You may have sounded cool, but you're putting a ticking time bomb on your children's happiness with your unwise words and actions.

This is how many people have been ruined by their tongues. The anger they cause with their words eventually brings everything crashing down, with disastrous results, whether it's discord in the home or the person they're talking to turning their back on them.


Paying it forward with money

Some parents use money to boss their children around, especially if they haven't yet achieved financial independence or are in a financially difficult situation.

Some parents use this as an opportunity to be pushy or meddlesome, and the child lives in fear of having their financial support cut off.

They think that since they've gotten help, they're supposed to be able to roll up their sleeves and get on with it.

But if they feel entitled to their parents' help, they question their gratitude and see it as a burden they need to get rid of quickly. They feel unreasonable and unworthy.

Once they become financially independent, they'll leave and never look back. Instead of feeling grateful for the help, they feel betrayed and turn away.

If a parent helps a child and then tries to use them for money, to bend them to his or her will, or to get what he or she wants, the child will not be able to say thank you, even if you give him or her money.

Trying to manipulate people with money is not genuine help, it's self-gratification.

If you're thinking about trying to sway people with money, I hope you'll reconsider, because it can have a ripple effect that can break down even family relationships.

Only communicating your feelings

There are some people who, when they're angry, spew out their feelings one-way, as if their child is an emotional trash can, without checking to see if they're right or wrong.

I say one-way because they don't listen to what the other person has to say, they just say it and then they're done with it. Even if the other person didn't do it, they still insist that if I felt this way, then that's what it was.

And when you tell them it wasn't, they get even more angry at you for saying it was. Most of the time, these behaviors come from high-pressure parents, bosses, and people with anger management disorders.

For the child or subordinate dealing with these people, every word from the parent or boss is a terror, but the parent or boss will often say, "What's so scary about that?" or "If you can't handle this, how are you going to have a social life?".

Psychologically, these are answers that lack empathy. In management, this kind of leadership is known to destroy organizations.

This kind of one-sided scolding is akin to pushing, and in some ways, it's intended to get the other person to bend to your mood. In other ways, it's a way to rally the troops.

"Why didn't you tell me then?" and "If you told me, I'd admit I was wrong." This is a shameful behavior that only points out the attitude of the child or subordinate without correcting their own wrong ways.

If you're the kind of person who forces your children or subordinates to follow you, you need to change that quickly. Forcing them to conform will only hurt them and make things worse.

Only enforce morals
Respect is earned, not demanded, but some people demand respect because they're a parent or a boss.

Leadership comes naturally when subordinates recognize the boss because they see and feel the boss's actions. Parents, in a way, need to be recognized by their children for true respect to come.

Most parents receive this recognition naturally through love, affection, and care. However, there are some parents who claim rights and forcefully enforce morality just because they are parents.

For example, "You are a child, so you must be filial," "You are a child, so you must listen to your parents," etc. Of course, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you keep imposing your morals, it will cause a rift between parents and children.

This also applies between bosses and subordinates, seniors and juniors: I have to do the right thing first, and then recognition and respect will naturally follow.