어느 30대 백수의 고민

어렸을 때부터 소심하고 내성적인 성격이었는데 중학교 때 아버지가 돌아가시고 다른 도시로 이사를 가게 되면서 새로운 환경에 적응하는 데 어려움을 겪으면서 더 소극적이고 무기력해졌던 것 같아요.

군대를 다녀오면서 성격은 조금 나아졌지만 기본적으로 삶에 대한 의욕이 없었어요. 어머니가 고생하는 모습을 보면 빨리 정착해서 가족에게 보탬이 돼야겠다는 생각이 드는 게 당연한데, 저는 그러지 못했어요. (제 개인주의적 사고방식 때문인 것 같아요)

어머니는 제가 공무원이 되길 원하셨고 대학에 진학하길 원하셨기 때문에 지방 국공립대학에서 4년제 인문학과를 졸업했습니다. (고등학교 입학 때부터 상경계로 진학하고 싶었지만 중학교 때까지 성적이 나쁘지 않아서 결국 인문계로 진학했습니다).

공부도 하기 싫고 재능도 없던 저에게 공무원 시험 준비는 정말 잘못된 선택이었지만, 잘하는 것도 하고 싶은 것도 없던 저는 주변 사람들의 의견을 따랐습니다. (가족 친지와 친구들은 저의 욕심 없고 성실하고 정직한 성격이 공무원에 딱 맞는다고 말해주었습니다).

당연히 성적은 계속 떨어졌고 가뜩이나 낮은 자존감은 더욱 낮아졌습니다.

그 시점에서 저는 공무원 준비를 그만두고 취업을 하기로 결심했습니다. 자격증도 없었고 전공과 학점도 매우 형편없었거든요.

다행히 상사가 있는 회사에 취직할 수 있었고, 한동안 열심히 일했어요. 여기저기 돌아다니며 고객을 관리하는 일이었는데, 대부분의 직업이 그렇듯 식사도 제때 못 하고 화장실도 이용하기 힘들고 항상 고객들에게 시달리면서도 보람과 재미를 느꼈어요.

하지만 일에 익숙해지다 보니 처음의 절실함은 사라지고 조금씩 불만이 생겼습니다.

월급 180만 원에 식대도 없이 일했는데, 초과근무 수당도 전혀 없었고, 아무리 오래 일해도 퇴직금을 줄 수 없다고 해서 마음을 먹고 회사를 그만뒀습니다(노동청에 신청하면 받을 수 있다고 했지만 거기까지 가고 싶지 않았어요).

퇴사 후 공장에서 2교대 근무를 했는데, 2년 반 정도 일하고 잠을 잤던 것 같아요. 돈은 잘 벌었지만 점점 지쳐가는 것 같아서 결국 그만뒀습니다.

두 군데 정도 더 갔는데, 한 곳은 입사 후 오랫동안 재계약을 요구하지 않다가 몇 달 후 최저임금 계약을 제안해서 떠났어요(야근과 외근이 많은 육체적인 일이었고, 입사할 때 약속한 월급을 받았음에도 불구하고).
다른 곳도 크게 나아지지 않았습니다.

마지막 직장을 그만둔 지 약 3개월이 지났습니다.
수시로 입사 지원서를 냈지만 면접을 보러 오라는 곳이 없어서 답답해서 이렇게 적어봅니다.

이 글을 쓰면서 돌이켜보니 내가 이렇게 실패한 사람인가, 가는 회사마다 다 그렇구나, 내가 부족해서 그런 곳만 가는구나 하는 생각이 들어요. 저는 욕심도 별로 없고 기본만 지켜줬으면 좋겠다고 생각하는데, 회사마다 다르겠죠.

제가 글을 잘 못쓰는 편이라 이 글을 보시는 분들께서 읽어주시면 정말 감사하겠습니다.

익명으로 올리지만 이렇게 글을 올리니 조금은 기분이 나아지네요.
추천하기17
다른의견0
[* 익명1 *]
| 20 0
열심히 살아오신 것 같은데 우울해하실 필요는 없으세요. 공무원 공부하시는 분들 중엔 님 나이도 아닌 분들도 많으니까요.
[* 저자 *]
| 13 0
위로의 말씀 감사합니다. 눈물이 날 뻔했어요. 큰 도움이 되었습니다. 감사합니다.
[* 익명1 *] 0 20
.
2023-03-08 18:07 | 답글
  [* 저자 *] 0 13
위로의 말씀 감사합니다.
눈물이 날 뻔했어요.
큰 도움이 되었습니다, 감사합니다.
2023-03-03 22:47 | 답장하다
  [* 익명59 *] 0 0
공무원 공부하는 30대 중반, 제가 미쳤나요?
2023-03-04 13:29 | 댓글에 답장
  [* 익명60 *] 0 1
익명1님의 댓글은 다른 일을 하고 있다가 30대에 새롭게 공무원을 준비하는 사람이 아니라 '그때까지' 계속 공무원 준비를 하는 사람을 말씀하시는 것 같습니다.
2023-03-04 14:37 | 댓글
  [* 익명65 *] 0 0
5수 6수 7수생들 말하는듯
2023-03-04 16:19 | Reply
  [* 익명82 *] 0 0
9수 윤석률도 있는데 뭐?
2023-03-04 21:18 | Reply
  [* 익명65 *] 0 0
ðŸ™'
2023-03-05 00:47 | 댓글
  [* 익명89 *] 0 0
4 회 중범죄자 당 지도자도 있습니다.
2023-03-05 19:48 | 댓글
[* 익명2 *] 0 0
욕망도 의지력도 없이 삶이 나아지길 바라는 것도 지나치네요...글쓴이 주변에는 그렇지 않은 사람도 있겠지만 대부분은 스트레스를 받고 나아지려고 노력 중입니다...
2023-03-03 22:41 | 댓글
  [* 작성자 *] 0 1
네...맞아요.
상황을 바꾸려고 노력하겠습니다.
답변 감사합니다.



I've been very timid and introverted since I was a kid, but when I was in middle school, my dad died and we moved to a different city, and I think I had a hard time adjusting to the new environment, so I became even more passive and lethargic.

When I went to the army, my personality improved a bit, but I basically had no motivation for life. When you see your mother struggling, it's natural to think that you should settle down quickly and become a contribution to the family, but I couldn't do that. (I think it's because of my individualistic mindset)

My mother wanted me to become a public servant and wanted me to go to college, so I graduated from a local public university with a four-year degree in liberal arts. (I wanted to go into the business world from the time I entered high school, but my grades were not bad until middle school, so I ended up going into the humanities.)

Preparing for the civil service exam was really the wrong choice for me, as I hated to study and had no talent, but with nothing I was good at or wanted to do, I followed the opinions of those around me. (My family relatives and friends told me that my greedless, sincere, and honest nature was perfect for the civil service.)

Naturally, my results kept going down, and my already low self-esteem got even worse.

At that point, I decided to stop preparing for the civil service and start working. I didn't have any certifications, and my major and GPA were very poor.

I was able to get a job at a company with a boss, and I worked hard for a while. It was a job of traveling around and maintaining customers, which is what most of these jobs are, but I felt that it was rewarding and fun, even though I often didn't get my meals on time, had difficulty using the restroom, and was always being bossed around by customers.

However, I lost my initial desperation and became a little dissatisfied when I got used to the work.

I worked with a salary of 1.8 million won and no food allowance, but there was no overtime pay at all, and I was told that they couldn't give me severance pay no matter how long I worked, so I made up my mind and left the company (they said I could get it if I applied to the labor office, but I didn't want to go that far).

After I left, I worked 2 shifts in a factory, and I think I worked and slept for about 2 and a half years. I made good money, but I felt like I was getting tired, so I finally quit.

I went to about 2 more places, one didn't ask me to sign a contract for a long time after I joined, but after a few months they offered me a minimum wage contract, so I left (even though it was a physical job, with overtime and out-of-town travel, and I had the salary I was promised when I joined).
Another place wasn't much better.

It's been about 3 months since my last job.
I've been applying for jobs from time to time, but none of them have asked me to come in for an interview, so I got frustrated and wrote it down.

As I'm writing this, I'm looking back and thinking that I've been such a failure, that every company I go to is like that, and that's why I'm only going to those places because I'm not good enough. I think I'm not very greedy and I just want them to keep the basics, but I guess it's different for the company.

I'm not very good at writing, so if you read this, thank you very much.

I'm posting this anonymously, but I feel a little better just posting this.
추천하기17
다른의견0
[* Anonymous1 *]
| 20 0
It seems like you've been living hard, but there's no need to be depressed. There are plenty of people who are studying to be a public servant who are not even your age.
[* Author *]
| 13 0
Thank you for the comforting words. I almost got a little teary-eyed. It was a big help. Thank you.
[* Anonymous1 *] 0 20
.
2023-03-08 18:07 | Reply
  [* Author *] 0 13
Thank you for the comforting words.
I almost got a little teary eyed.
It was a big help, thank you.
2023-03-03 22:47 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous59 *] 0 0
mid 30's studying for civil service, am I crazy?
2023-03-04 13:29 | Reply to
  [* 익명60 *] 0 1
Anonymous1's comment seems to be referring to someone who continues to prepare for the civil service "until" then, not someone who is doing something else and is newly preparing for the civil service in their 30s.
2023-03-04 14:37 | Reply
  [* Anonymous65 *] 0 0
5수 6수 7수생들 말하는듯
2023-03-04 16:19 | Reply
  [* 익명82 *] 0 0
9수 yoon seok-ryul is also there, but what?
2023-03-04 21:18 | Reply
  [* 익명65 *] 0 0
ðŸ™'
2023-03-05 00:47 | Reply
  [* 익명89 *] 0 0
There's also a 4-time felon party leader
2023-03-05 19:48 | Reply
[* Anonymous2 *] 0 0
It's also excessive to want your life to get better without having the desire or willpower to do so...There may be some people around the author who don't, but most of them are stressing out and trying to get better...
2023-03-03 22:41 | Comments
  [* author *] 0 1
Yes...It's true.
I'll try to change my situation.
Thanks for the answer.
2023-03-03 22:50 | Reply to
[* Anonymous3 *] 0 7
Absolutely not a failed life
It's a difficult world to try anything.
You've been living hard.
I wish you well in the future
2023-03-03 23:40 | Comments
[* Anonymous4 *] 46 3
I really dislike your style, I started studying when I was your age and it's been a while since I became a public servant, but I work with the mindset that I can quit anytime. The first job is enough to make you a fool.
2023-03-03 23:50 | Reply to.
  [* Anonymous37 *] 0 0
ㅉㅉ
2023-03-04 08:00 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous38 *] 1 2
혈세값이나 제대로 하세요...
2023-03-04 08:09 | Reply
  [* Anonymous43 *] 0 1
If you're a public servant, you should live sparingly.
And don't fuck your kid, if you fuck your kid with that money, you're sinning against your kid. Your stupid money is enough for you to live alone.
2023-03-04 09:33 | Reply to.
  [* Anonymous53 *] 0 7
I really dislike your style too.
You have a mindset of blame masquerading as advice.
I've seen people around me who don't have anything, but smoke, and they all have pitiful lives.
2023-03-04 11:49 | Reply to.
  [* Anonymous58 *] 0 3
What are you going to do if you don't like it?
2023-03-04 13:04 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous64 *] 0 0



2023-03-04 15:39 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous70 *] 0 1
I hate you
2023-03-04 19:51 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous76 *] 0 0
어 님도?
I don't like your style either.
2023-03-04 20:21 | Reply
  [* 익명78 *] 0 1
A girl with the mentality of quitting anytime.
late for work and chose a government job?
Gurado is a bitch.
2023-03-04 20:55 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous80 *] 0 1
What are you?
2023-03-04 20:58 | Reply
  [* Anonymous81 *] 0 0
I really don't like your style.
2023-03-04 21:18 | Reply to
  [* Anonymous90 *] 0 0
Officials like you should be a bit shorter.
2023-03-10 16:07 | Reply to
[* Anonymous5 *] 0 1
You just need to get a job again...Call your friends, acquaintances, or anyone else and ask for a job...It doesn't matter if you're embarrassed...You just need to start over.
2023-03-03 23:55 | Comments
[* Anonymous6 *] 0 0
I don't know how this is going to work out.
I don't even know what a ruined life is.
잘 버티다보면 빛이 보일날이
Olgilimnider
2023-03-04 00:01 | Comments
[* Anonymous7 *] 0 0
You're still too young to call it a failure.
If you have a 4-year degree, you can get an industrial safety engineer <-- and look for a small or medium-sized company safety manager.
These days, industrial safety is becoming more important in relation to sodomy laws, so I write to you because you don't seem to have the right direction.
2023-03-04 00:06 | 댓글
  [* Anonymous52 *] 0 1
I am also in the construction industry and I agree with Anonymous7.
Manufacturing - Industrial Safety Engineer
Construction - Construction Safety Engineer
If you get a safety engineer and have 3 years of experience, you won't have to worry about jobs afterward.
2023-03-04 11:48 | Reply
[* Anonymous8 *] 2 0
If you don't have an answer in Korea, hurry up and go find a Warhol anywhere.
2023-03-04 02:48 | Reply to
[* Anonymous9 *] 0 0
힘내세요
Finding it is a good thing.
The author is also an important person
2023-03-04 02:51 | Reply
[* 익명10 *] 0 4
This reminds me of a comment someone once wrote.
If I really feel like a failed human horse breed, go to a sperm crab.
He said that when I go there, I feel like I'm really living properly.
2023-03-04 02:52 | Reply to.
[* Anonymous11 *] 1 4
Friend, take heart and stay strong.
You're not the only one who feels that way, everyone goes through it.
They just don't talk about it.
There are plenty of jobs out there at your level, so don't get too discouraged, take your time, and eventually you'll settle down.
If you're in your 30s, you still have a chance, but if you're over 40, you don't even have a chance.
All have their own paths, so don't rush to find out, but slowly refer to sites where you can see company reviews.
Good luck finding a good company. 힘내요 같은 나이대에 ㅎㅎ
2023-03-04 02:55 | 댓글
[* Anonymous12 *] 4 1
You overestimate yourself and blame others for your environment.
There are not many people who live straight.
I'm not going to write it because it's annoying, but I'm going to write it because it's ugly.