40대 여성 솔로의 한탄글

저는 40대 중반의 독신입니다.
자살은 가족에게 부끄러운 일이고 빨리 늙고 싶어요. 혼자 온라인 비즈니스를 하고 있어서 나이가 들수록 사람들을 만나는 것이 점점 더 힘들어지고 이제는 사람들을 만날 자신도 없고 관심도 없습니다.
자기애가 심한 엄마와는 친하지만 그래도 자주 놀러오는 평범한 언니가 있어서 버티고 있지만, 언니도 못된 자식이 있고 저는 일에 치이고.... 누나도 저처럼 빨리 늙어서 책임감을 내려놓고 싶은데 내년에 대학을 졸업하면 어떻게 될지...

몇 년 전 스토킹도 당하고 큰 스트레스를 받는 일들이 연달아 생기면서 불안증 약을 먹어도 일을 못해서 이렇게 됐는데 탈출구가 보이지 않고...그냥 참고 사는 것 같아요.
1년 넘게 봉사 모임에 나가서 사람들을 다시 만나고 싶다는 생각을 하고 있는데...
노래도 하고 운동도 하고 나아지고 있는데 사람들 때문에 스트레스만 받으면 무너져버려서 기운도 없고 너무 힘들고 싫어요.
부작용 때문에 약도 안 먹다가 며칠만 다시 먹으면 더 심해져요. 엉망진창이죠.

빨리 할머니가 되고 싶어요.
꿈 많던 시절을 생각하면... 그 나라에서는 어떨지 상상할 수 없어요.
무대에서 노래하고, 버스킹하고, 혼자 해외여행도 다니고, 몇 달씩 떠나서 빛나던 시절은 다시는 오지 않을 일들이에요...
저처럼 빨리 늙고 싶은 분들도 많으실 것 같아요.
어떻게 지내고 있는지, 어떤 생각을 하고 있는지 듣고 싶어요.
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[* 익명1 *] 0 2
나는 늙지 않고 몸만 늙을 뿐, 생각은 늙지 않을 거예요.
할머니가 되었다고 해서 "아, 이제 다 내려놨어..."라고 말할 수 있을 것 같지는 않아요. 아니, 더 후회할 것 같아요.

지금이 가장 젊을 때 아닌가요?
차라리 젊었을 때처럼 더 젊게 살고 싶어요.
2023-03-19 19:44 | Reply
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  [* 작성자 *] 0 0
좋은 말씀 감사합니다. 저도 할머니가 되어서도 같은 생각을 할 거예요. 빨리 가고 싶어요... 그냥 시골로 이사를 가서 엄마랑 떨어져 살면 어떨까.... 자신감이 떨어져서 쉽지 않네요.
2023-03-19 19:49 | 답글
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[* 익명2 *] 0 0
그냥 즐기세요
2023-03-19 19:47 | 답글
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[* 익명3 *] 0 0
언니 나 38 살이고 지금 죽고 싶어 휴
2023-03-19 19:48 | 댓글
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  [* 저자 *] 0 0
왜... 이야기 하나 해줄게
2023-03-19 20:35 | 댓글
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[* 익명4 *] 0 0
몇 달 동안 혼자 해외여행을 준비했다고 했으니 다시 한번 해보세요. 새로운 힘을 얻을 수 있을 거예요. 떨쳐버리고 마음을 비우고 가세요.
2023-03-19 19:52 | 댓글
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  [* 작성자 *] 0 0
한동안 떠나려고 생각했는데 요즘 너무 무기력해졌어요. 여행보다는 엄마랑 떨어져 지내는 게 좋을 것 같아서 지방에 집을 알아보고 있습니다.
조언 부탁드립니다...
2023-03-19 20:35 | 답글
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[* 익명5 *] 0 0
이래서 결혼해서 애를 키워야 하는 거군요.
2023-03-19 19:53 | 답글
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  [* 저자 *] 0 0
그리고 제 여동생도 같은 생각을합니다 ... 성격
2023-03-19 20:33 | 댓글
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  [* 익명30 *] 0 0
같은 문제를 겪을 거라면 가족을 갖는 것이 낫습니다.
2023-03-20 00:46 | 답글
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[* 익명6 *] 0 0
저는 중년의 독신 여성입니다.
좋아하는 사람 있나요?
늙고 곧 죽을 생각은 그만하고.
자신을위한 삶을 만드십시오.
포기하기엔 너무 이르지 않아요.
2023-03-19 19:56 | 답글
[보고자]]
  [*저자*] 0 0
40대가 되면 바람둥이도 아니고 바람둥이도 아니고 그 중간도 아닌 사람을 찾기가 어렵습니다.
2023-03-19 20:32 | 답글
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[* 익명7 *] 0 0
외향적인 성격인데 내성적인 삶을 살기가 힘들어요.
코로나가 끝나면 뭔가 해야 한다는 압박감 때문에 조금 우울한 상태입니다. 코로나를 핑계로 삼고 싶지만 지금은 아니지만 코로나 때 봉쇄령이 내려졌을 때요.
다시 봉쇄가 풀려서 마음 편히 어딘가를 갈 수 있었으면 좋겠어요.
삶이 자유롭다면 종교를 가지고, 기독교는 조금, 불교 나 천주교는 어떻습니까?
그리고 평생 하루에 한 번씩 할 수있는 일을 찾으십시오.
저는 죽을 때까지 매일 할 일을 찾다가 집에서 맨손체조를 하고 있는데, 아무것도 하지 않을 때보다 훨씬 기분이 좋아졌어요.
매일 행복하게 할 수 있는 일을 찾아보세요.
2023-03-19 20:03 | 댓글
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  [* 저자 *] 0 0
요즘 노래도 많이 부르고 글도 많이 쓰고 있는데, 그냥 다 내려놓고 싶을 때는 어떻게 하나요? 그냥 죽고 싶고 무력감을 느낄 때?
머리가 너무 복잡해져서 술을 마시기 시작해요.
2023-03-19 20:31 | 답글
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[*anonymous8*] 0 0
지방으로 가세요. 여긴 사람이 없네.
2023-03-19 20:24 | 댓글
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  [* 작성자 *] 0 0
경남 창원이나 거제를 알아보고 있습니다.
2023-03-19 20:31 | 답글
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  [* 익명13 *] 0 0
한번오시죠 ㅎㅎ
2023-03-19 21:23


I'm single, mid-40s.
Suicide is an embarrassment to my family and I just want to grow old quickly. I'm doing online business alone, so it's getting harder and harder to meet people as I get older, and now I'm not confident or interested in meeting people.
I'm close to my narcissistic mom, but I have a normal older sister who comes over a lot, so I'm surviving, but my sister also has a child who's a bitch, and I'm overwhelmed with work... My sister also wants to get old quickly like me and drop her responsibilities, but what will happen to the college graduate next year...

After a few years ago, after a series of stalkings and big stressful things happened to me, I became like this because I couldn't work after taking anxiety medication, but I can't see a way out...I feel like I'm just living with it.
I've been thinking about going to volunteer meetings and meeting people again for over a year...
I've been singing and exercising and getting better, but whenever I'm stressed by people, I fall apart, so I feel weak and terrible, and I hate it.
I don't even take my medication because of the side effects, and then I go back on it for a few days and it's worse. It's a mess.

I can't wait to be a grandmother.
When I think back to my dreamy days... I can't imagine what it would be like in that country.
The days of singing on stage, busking, and traveling abroad by myself, leaving for months and shining, are things that will never come again...
I'm sure there are some of you who just want to grow old quickly like me.
I'd love to hear how you're doing and what you're thinking.
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[* Anonymous1 *] 0 2
I'm not going to get old, just my body, not my thoughts.
Just because I'm a grandmother doesn't mean I'm going to be able to say, "Oh, I've put it all down...". No, I think it will be more regrettable.

Isn't this the best time to be young?
I'd rather live younger, like I did when I was younger.
2023-03-19 19:44 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
Thanks for the nice words. I'll still think the same way when I'm a grandma. I mean, I can't wait to go... I wonder if I could just move away to the countryside and live away from my mom... It's not easy because my confidence is low.
2023-03-19 19:49 | Reply
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[* Anonymous2 *] 0 0
Just enjoy it
2023-03-19 19:47 | Reply
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[* Anonymous3 *] 0 0
sister I'm 38 and I want to die now phew
2023-03-19 19:48 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
Why... I'll tell you a story
2023-03-19 20:35 | Reply
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[* Anonymous4 *] 0 0
You said you spent months preparing for a solo trip abroad, so do it again. It will give you new strength. Shake it off, clear your mind, and go for it.
2023-03-19 19:52 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
I've been thinking about leaving for a while, but I've been feeling so lethargic lately. I think it's better to move away from my mom than to travel, so I'm looking at houses in the provinces.
Advice appreciated...
2023-03-19 20:35 | Reply
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[* Anonymous5 *] 0 0
I guess this is why you have to get married and raise kids.
2023-03-19 19:53 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
And my sister thinks the same way... Personality
2023-03-19 20:33 | Reply
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  [* 익명30 *] 0 0
If you're going to have the same problems, it's better to have a family.
2023-03-20 00:46 | Reply
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[* Anonymous6 *] 0 0
I'm a middle aged single woman.
anyone you like?
Stop thinking about growing old and dying soon.
and make a life for yourself.
It's never too early to give up.
2023-03-19 19:56 | Reply
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  [*author*] 0 0
In my 40s, it's hard to find someone who's not a creep or a flirt or someone in the middle.
2023-03-19 20:32 | Reply
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[* 익명7 *] 0 0
You're a very outgoing person, but it's hard to live an introverted life.
I'm a little depressed because of the pressure to do something after corona is over. I'd rather use corona as an excuse, but not now, but when there was a lockdown during corona.
I hope there will be a lockdown again, so I can go somewhere with peace of mind.
If your life is free, have a religion, Christianity is a bit, how about Buddhism or Catholicism?
And find something you can do once a day for the rest of your life.
I've been looking for something to do every day until I die, and I'm doing calisthenics at home, and I feel much better than I did when I didn't do anything.
Find something you can do every day that you're happy with.
2023-03-19 20:03 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
I've been singing and writing a lot lately, but what do you do when you just want to let it all go? When you just want to die and feel helpless?
I start drinking because my head gets too complicated.
2023-03-19 20:31 | Reply
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[*anonymous8*] 0 0
Come on over to the provinces. There are no people here.
2023-03-19 20:24 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
I'm looking into Changwon or Geoje, Gyeongnam
2023-03-19 20:31 | Reply
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  [* Anonymous13 *] 0 0
한번오시죠 ㅎㅎ
2023-03-19 21:23 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
Where would be good
2023-03-19 22:57 | Reply
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[* Anonymous9 *] 0 0
I'm a single guy in my mid 40's. I've been single for 6 years now after being married for 2 years without a license.
I'm getting less and less interested in dating and marriage.
I see a few people at work, but other than that, I don't interact with them.
I was going to volunteer at a local stray animal shelter, but I'm too small and old.
It's been two years since I've been able to go because I'm embarrassed to be alone.
I'm soaked in the lethargy of life and have no reason for biological existence.
2023-03-19 20:29 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
It's nice to see that there's a lot of overlap with me... I got divorced within a year of getting married and not even having a ceremony. I was making good money at the time, but my boyfriend, who was five years older than me, became penniless as soon as he asked me to marry him, and after that, he helped me with my work and complained about how many complaints he had, used violence, played Lineage, and smoked a lot of cigarettes. Anyway, that's how it ended. I was in my mid-20s, so it was a big shock and I lost a lot of confidence. Since then, I don't even look at men who play games and smoke, and I stopped thinking about marriage. I've been talking about divorce for a long time.

I also hesitate a lot when I start something...I used to do that when I was in a group. It's really hard to get started.
2023-03-19 20:49 | Reply
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  [* Anonymous9 *] 0 0
I'm rooting for you. I hope you're happy wherever you are.
2023-03-19 21:07 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
Thank you... Let me know when you go out to volunteer. I'm trying to be brave too
2023-03-19 21:17 | Reply
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[* Anonymous10 *] 0 0
Me too... I hope time passes quickly and I just get old.
2023-03-19 20:45 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
How old are you?
2023-03-19 20:50 | Reply
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[* Anonymous11 *] 0 0
누나 기운내요
2023-03-19 21:08 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
고맙...
2023-03-19 21:14 | Reply
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[* Anonymous12 *] 0 0
I'm scared of the future, I'm scared of what tomorrow will bring.

I don't know the answers, so I just live.

I'm busy working and laughing because something funny happened that day.

That's what makes it fun.
2023-03-19 21:10 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
There are also good things, so I think I live somehow

2023-03-19 21:16 | Reply
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[* Anonymous14 *] 0 0
Work is work and hobbies are fun.
Do what you want to do and live your life.

That's what I'm trying to do. 40s male.
I'm not interested in girls anymore, and I don't have a badminton club or
I live and write without a reading circle.

Rather, I didn't get the relationship I wanted until I was in my 30s.
Now, I'm confused because girls who are 34~36 dash me.

I'm not sure if this is a good idea, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea.
2023-03-19 21:21 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
I love books, too, and reading improves my quality of life a lot.
2023-03-19 23:20 | Reply
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[* Anonymous15 *] 0 0
Why don't you try counseling? If you're overwhelmed with work and it's too hard, I think it would be nice to enrich your mind with the minimum amount of money for a while and feel some alone time. You don't have that much time to be filial to your parents, just think of happy times I can't do that either, but I think I can try and think about it, so cheer up and if you need counseling, I don't think it's bad to go to a hospital and talk to someone.
If you need counseling, I think it's not bad to go to the hospital and talk to a doctor.
I am living as a happy mom. It's not always a cloudy day.
2023-03-19 21:38 | Reply
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  [* Author *] 0 0
That's true, but it's sunny and cloudy...
I've been to a counseling center, but I don't know if it's a good fit for me.
I just want to know if this is my life, and if I hear from the monk, it's just the way life is... I just want to accept it.
Life itself is not so bad, but when the hard times come, I want to hurry up and finish it.
Be happy with your daughter and family.
2023-03-19 23:03 | Reply
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[*Anonymous16*] 1 0
Your life is pathetic.
You wake up in the morning